4/7/10

Light for Our Darkest Night

Maggie Paulus vividly remembers the night she struggled with her Maker, questioning Him and letting Him know exactly what she thought. She retraced her memories ... moments when she was hurt the most. "Where were You when this happened?" she asked. "Where were You when that happened?" The nagging questions were like barbed wire in her tender heart.

Adopted as a little girl, her life before she was rescued was "unsettling," she said. As a teenager, she struggled as she processed those early years. The wounds were deep, and she struggled with the "why." Her mother introduced Maggie to the Lord the same year she and her dad adopted her. Maggie learned that God is kind, loving, and merciful. But her questions remained. "If He was truly kind, if He was truly loving, if He was truly merciful, then how," she asked, "could He allow such awful things to happen to a little girl who couldn't protect herself?"

Maggie quieted her heart in brokenness, waiting for God's answer, and it came. Rather, God came.

Maggie gave her questions to God, and wrote this poem when she was 15 years old:

In The Darkness
By Maggie Johnson Paulus

In the darkness of the night I cry. Something doesn't seem so right, and why?
Thoughts so painful flood my mind of long ago. I thought I'd left them far behind ~ tears flow.

I am the same as I was then, isn't it so? I don't know how or why or when ~ so long ago.
I call to You and ask You why ... tears I shed. All that I can do is cry upon my bed.

But then a gleaming Light I see, and I feel the loving touch that comforts me
and always will.
You kiss away the tears upon my face, And all the hurt I feel inside, You erase.

In the darkness of the night, I rest my head till morning's light upon Your chest.*

"Now, it's hard to explain in words what exactly happened in the healing of my soul," Maggie says, "but I will try. Because I feel you must know, that when life hurts the most, there is a Healer. The Good Shepherd came gently to this little broken lamb and showed me that all the bad stuff that made me sad made Him sad, too. It broke His heart."

God was not distant; He was there in Maggie's pain. He saw, cared, and hurt with her. Then He took the evil that was intended to harm her and used it for her good. And because she suffered, Maggie's heart remains tender to the hurts that others feel. She is sensitive and aware in a way that she couldn't be, had she not experienced pain in her own life. The memories of suffering are still clear, but the pain surrounding them is gone forever.

"By His stripes we are healed" (Is. 53:5). Jesus indeed healed Maggie's wounds. "Now all I see is the goodness of my Rescuer and what He has done," she said. Maggie says she longs for those with deep aches to experience the Comforter, too.

To know Maggie today, you'd never imagine that she suffered as a child. Jesus changed everything! God has blessed her with a precious husband and family. Quirky, fun, and joyful in Jesus, she blesses everyone she meets and points them to her Rescuer, her Redeemer.

We have just celebrated Easter ~ commemorating our risen Lord. It was for little girls like Maggie that the Savior came, died, and conquered the power of sin and death. Jesus gives hope for all who sit in darkness: "The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned" (Isaiah 9:2, NIV).

*From "Maggie's Musings"
“When Memories Brought Pain," 2-11-2-10
Story and poem used with permission

1 comment:

Marja said...

Thanks for sharing Dawn, there is no greater power indeed!