4/22/17

Building a "Zone" around Your Marriage

The media practically devoured Vice Present Mike Pence for his admission (in a 2002 piece for The Hill) that he never eats alone with a woman other than his wife and for other "boundary"-type choices.

Once again, the left was quick to criticize Pence and his wife Karen for their Christian choices.
Butfind this couple refreshing. In an anything-goes era, it is not so much their conservative, middle-America values that shine out, but rather their evangelical Christian discernment.

The Vice President is not a sexist, as the left claims. I'm sure he will deal with meetings with top female leaders (like England's Theresa May or Germany's Angela Merkel) in God-honoring ways.

He and his wife are not fools. They are concerned about integrity.

This power couple's overall commitment to each other and desire to protect that relationship should be applauded, not decried. 


Their "gut check" relationship protection is something to be admired, and it's not really that different from most conservative Christians who care about guarding their hearts and homes from harmful, even divisive distractions and temptation.

The scriptures are clear about the importance of "watching" out for temptation.
  • "Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life" (Proverbs 4:23).
  • "Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak" (Mark 14:38).
  • "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour" (1 Peter 5:8).
The heart connection between Mike and Karen Pence is genuine and exemplary. She is his subtle but influential partner, valued ally and consistent prayer warrior.

But back to their decision to not have Mike Pence meet alone with other womenI get that.

Pence, again in his interview with The Hill, said their decision is akin to "building a zone around your marriage." In this wicked culture, there are many opportunities for temptation to creep in, and appearances can be deadly as well. 

The practice of careful public boundaries has gone out of fashion with some, but it's still a valid choice.

My husband, a pastor for many years, would not counsel any female without his study door open and the church secretary at her desk in the adjacent room.

This was not only for his protection against possible false accusations, but also for the counselee's freedom. My husband did not want to give any "opportunity" for the enemy to destroy what was meant to be a positive counseling experience.

In reading about Karen Pence, I discovered she was married once, quite young. They grew apart, her former husband said, as he spent long hours at work. Perhaps this failed marriage is one reason Karen Pence is so committed to staying near the Vice President. Perhaps they know by building a "zone" around their marriage, they will actually experience greater freedom to serve others.

One of the best pieces of advice I received as a young bride came from a wise elderly woman in my husband's church:


"Guard your marriage," she said. 
"The enemy is real, and he would love to destroy your home."

For some people, that boundarythat zonemight be called a "hedge of protection." 
  • It presupposes there is something of value worth protecting. 
  • There's a desire to protect marriage from perceived or real threats--and that could take on many forms, like the "other woman/other man" or even pornography. 
  • Within this protection there is a greater sense of relational freedom centered in trust, not a lot of "what-ifs." 
  • It includes the concept of becoming accountability partners. (Even if both partners are not willing to build in protective boundaries, God can bless the efforts of the spouse who does.)
If you are married, recognize its value. Be sure to build strong boundarieshedges of protectionin your marriage. If you are not married, commit to protecting others' marriages. Don't allow yourself to become the "other."


Marriage is a portrait of Jesus' relationship with His church, 
and as such it is precious and valuable, well worth guarding.


I think it's up to Christians to determine what that "guarding" looks like as a couple. For the Vice President and his loyal wife, that means clear boundaries.

  - Graphic, adapted from Leylandii Hedge, Evergreen Hedging.

No comments: